Closing Doors

Close some doors,

not because of 

Pride, Incapacity, 

or Arrogance, but 

simply because

they no longer lead

somewhere. 

-Paulo Coelho-

Never have truer words been written. 

Never have truer words resonated within me. 

Sometimes you just need to be open to listening to the truer words. 

Paulo Coelho is an amazing author. Our local beer distributor turned me onto him a few years back. Who would have imagined you go in to buy beer and end up having great life conversations that lead you on new paths. 

I read the books with fervor, wanting to absorb all that I could.  Than a few more years go bye and at our first burning man, I meet a man who has taken the pilgrimage and followed in Paulo's steps. Life is funny and really does have a way of pushing you in the directions you need. 

I am starting the practice of closing some doors. I sometimes question my actions and wheter they are for the right reasons, but when you have determine that the door no longer leads somewhere it is time to close it. When the path behind the door is toxic, it is time to close it. 

Growth can only come from change and change comes from making space for the things that nourish you, the people that encourage you, and living the life that you know is right for you. 

-Cheers-

Changes, Empowerment, Growth, Rebuild

Something has shifted.
Something has changed.
Growth is afoot.
A new me is being reborn.

I feel like a dark veil has been lifted from over me.
For the last few years, I have felt depressed, held back, AFRAID.
Afraid to try new things, afraid to go places, afraid to let others see who I am.

Something has changed and a weight has been lifted.
Here in the dead of winter...
I am finding myself no longer hindering myself.
Going out and doing things that not too long ago would cripple me with fear.

Don't get me wrong. It was not an overnight transformation. I am still battling the demons that try to overcome me.

Today I struggled for a bit with my fear of driving in the snow. I knew I wanted to get out and get some stuff done, but was afraid of the snow. Rather than trying to fight it, belittle myself for being so ridiculous and than wallowing in darkness. I decided to acknowledge the fear, allow it some space and than moved on to a pampering ritual. With a few short hours, a calmness had returned and I decided to tackle my fear. I made it out, down the driveway, onto the road and to the places that I needed to go. I didn't wreck the car, didn't spin out, didn't slide into any parking spaces. Everything I had feared had not happened.

I am not sure what brought about this change, perhaps cleansing some unnecessary items and people from my life. I like it, I think I'll embrace it for a while.

Compassion

I am such a lucky gal to have married an amazing man.
A man with a heart of gold.
A man who would give you the shirt off his back.
A man who gives selflessly and asks for nothing in return.
My girls and I are so very lucky to have him in our lives.

My life is difficult at times as I am an empath and can deeply feel others emotions, pain & joy.
I am easily overwhelmed by others emotions and have trouble controlling it. Probably why I appear to cry so easily.

Today the compassion that you exhibited, overwhelmed me. I am thankful for your gesture, no matter how small it may have seemed to you. I know that the creature felt your compassion and is thanking you as well for your selfless act.

You are a gem. I love you!

Visitors From Another Realm

Early this morning our youngest pup was restless in her cage. This happens from time to time and usually if I lay still she will settle down and go back to sleep until it's time to get up. Today was different. She couldn't seem to get settled & seemed more restless than normal. She did finally settle down.

Shortly after she settled, I felt a head pushing on my foot at the bottom of the bed. Knowing that our older pup has free reign of the room, I looked up to see what she was doing. Much to my surprise, our older pup was sound asleep on the floor & nowhere near my bed.

As I am writing this for you, much later in the day, I can still remember the feeling that I felt as I was laying there in bed. I know that an animal was pushing it's head down on my foot at the base of my bed. Trying to get my attention. As it was not one of the living pups in the room, I can only surmise that it was one of our pups past coming to pay me a visit.

I am thankful for the spirit world and for the ability to cross between the two. I am thankful for the visitors who come to comfort me, bring me messages and inspire me. I have quite a few angels on the other side watching over me and I appreciate each of them.

Taking a Walk

I took off early from work last week and came home to walk in the woods with the girls.
Just thought we'd share some of our adventure with you.
-Cheers-

Veterans Day--Thank you for your service

This is a two part post.
One to thank all of my family & friends who have served our country. Thank you for your service, thank you for your duty, thank you for our freedom. This goes to my brother, my stepfather, my nephew, my uncles, my cousins, my friends near & far.





I can remember being a small girl, getting ready for the parades. My grandmother always had a red poppy for me. Nowadays I can't seem to find them anywhere, but they hold a special memory for me.

The second part of my post is to remember my brother David Alan. I remember being a kid and looking up to him in many ways. He was a tall kid, a gentle soul and very kind hearted. He was often mistaken for a fighter because of his size. And I believe he was naive and often misguided by others. 

While I don't remember the day he told my mom he joined the Army, I do remember sending him off to boot camp and than his return home from boot camp. What a change had taken place. I remember being even more proud of my brother. And than watching him march in the Veteran's Day parade, the proud look on his face.  

1986 was a year for our family. Dave was in an accident that crushed his forearm. It required multiple surgeries, drains and alot of pain.  I started high school. My sister was married in September, Dave committed suicide in November and by December we had sold two houses, packed up our belongs and moved across the country from Pennsylvania to New Mexico.

My brother was 19 years old when he took his life. I guess he felt that he could not endure anymore pain in this life. For the short 14 years that I knew him, he left a lasting impression on me. We had to work harder than others at our relationship as we did not grow up in the same house.  Dave made sure I did not want for the typical brother/sister taunting & teasing, but  he also made sure I knew that I was loved and had a special place in his life.  

So while most remember the Veterans on Veterans Day, for me it is a double memory day. I think about the Veterans and thank them for the service but I also think about my brother and thank him for taking up a space in my life that I still hold close to my heart.  

Feeling Sorry for Myself!

Having one of those days where I just feel sorry and sad for myself.
I guess I should have known it was coming, I've been on a pretty good high for a couple of weeks now.
I guess if this stumble is only one day, I can deal, but I already suspect it's not.
Yesterday was a day of hatred, lashing out, withdrawing, wanting the world around me to disappear.
Today is a day of sadness, sorrow, feelings of loss, despair, pain, loneliness, fear, heartache, uncomfortableness.

Rain Rain Go Away,
Come Again Another Day

I want the rain on my mood, my heart and my head to go away & not come back another day.

My body hurts, my head hurts, my soul aches, my limbs, my joints, my eyes, my toes...they all have an unexplainable pain, a sorrow, a grudge, a harbored feeling of resentment.

so while the sun shines outside, the gloom cloud resides over me.

tomorrow is another day. I will make it thru this withdrawl day, crawl into bed tonight, hug my stuffed animals and hopefully slumber off to a land where the gloom cloud can stay and I can come out in a world filled with sunshine, rainbows, love & joy.

-Gloomy Cheers-