Megace..the saga continues......

Words of wisdom from my last post "accept that you will get miserable at some point. Try not to take it out on others."
I had an epic fail at those words of wisdom today. I took it out on my other half and I am still upset with myself about it. I was frustrated, aggravated and other feels that I don't have words for.

We've passed the 10 day mark for the megace withdrawal. The only thing that happened on day 10 was I realized I still needed the pain meds. Not until around day 12 was I able to start weaning myself to just an Aleve and Advil about every 6 hours. Trying to work my vitamins & other supplements back into rotation. I stopped them when I couldn't concentrate enough to get thru a day.

Happenings:

• Birthday is a week away -- a fellow birthday mate suggested celebrating a 1/2 birthday in Oct. I like her idea. Having trouble getting into it. Scared at turning 44, scared at failing at dreams I've had all my life, scared at what the future holds. 

• Consult for D&C is approximately 3 weeks away...Gosh that feels like such a long time away. That 3 weeks + however long til the D&C and than the results = how long this megace saga will continue. You see until I know that the precancerous cells are gone, I live in fear of this dreaded medicine and what more it means for me.

Thoughts: 

Reflecting on how much a hermit I have become and how many friends, who may count on me to send them cards, send them words of encouragement or just think of them are being let down if they are anticipating those things from me. Truthfully it is taking every fiber of my being to just get thru a day. The naps are still a daily thing. Jeans, I haven't seen a pair on me in months. 

Daily gratitude, daily frustration, daily blahs...they are all a part of the day. 

The Megace Saga continues :(

:( 

:(

:( 

That's how I feel. 

My megace saga continues..so it turns out there is something called megace withdrawal. So along with having all of the fun things that can happen to you while on megace, I am now experiencing all the joys of megace withdrawal too. Haven't left the house in a week, haven't been to the office in a week, haven't made it much further than the couch or the bed for a week. 

But I'll back up for a minute. Last post I was frustrated I hadn't gotten a cycle yet. Well that came after a 5AM phone call to advise me that grams was in the hospital again. This time they said kidney failure. Well after a work day of stressing, crying, getting updates and just in general being worn down...it turns out that communication in our family SUCKS and she was dehydrated. Not in kidney failure. Saturday morning I wake up feeling relieved that she is not knocking on deaths door, although she will be 91 years old. And I guess with all the stress and worry, it brought my cycle on. Hallelujah..I did a happy dance. I finally got a cycle. By Saturday afternoon, I was already frustrated with the cycle. Changed clothes 3 times, kept bleeding thru, was just plain uncomfortable. 

Sunday night, megace withdrawal strikes in full form. I am sick, so sick that I can't get comfortable. I try taking a bath, no relief, I try laying in bed, no relief. I am in so much pain that I am willing to consider going to the hospital. I have no idea what is wrong with me but the thoughts running thru my head are a ruptured ovary or twisted ovary. The pain is greater than and has lasted longer than my normal cyst burst. I feel like someone is stabbing me with a fork on the lower end and trying to pull my ovary out on the upper end. Thankfully a relative is a family doctor and will take a look at me. Rules out my appendix (eerie side note: my boss ended up in appendix surgery on early Wednesday). 

Gives me some pain meds. I've never had pain spike thru the pain meds....but it sure is now. Finally around midnight a slight amount of relief. 

Tuesday we head to the dr's office for an ultrasound. They want to check the ovary given my history of cysts. Report is that I have only one tiny cyst on the ovary. They are very excited as this is the smallest cyst they have ever seen on me & only one. (Woo Hoo for them!) I am still scared.  What the  heck is wrong with me? Why is it Tuesday and I am still in pain. I can't sit for very long. Dr comes in & he says I am the lucky recipient of megace withdrawal. Basically my lady bits are acting as if they are in labor & trying to expel everything that doesn't belong. The muscles are contracting & just don't know when to stop. I can expect this to go on for 6-10 days. Yippee! Just when I thought it was all over. He tries to assure me that this is a good thing and my body is reacting the way they want it to. He won't do the D&C any earlier than May. 

Today is Friday. I have not made it to the office at all this week. I have not worn a normal pair of pants in a week. PJ bottoms and tank tops are my best friends. The pups have not left my side. I have become very intimate with the couch, the bed and the bathtub. I have learned to lean on my better half for support. To allow him to help me with everyday chores and to ask when I need something. Sitting has increased from about a 2 hour window to now I can sit for about 5 hours before I need the pain med to get me thru the rest of the day. 

There have been a few tough lessons learned from this week. Don't assume that the next week is given to you. I planned to get my hair done this week, visit with my head boss from Minnesota while she is in, get all kinds of work done while we were in blackout. Learn to ask for help. I promise it's okay and won't make you weak. It was very hard to ask for help but the reassurance of my loving partner and the never ending question-What can I do for you? really helped. That and as I would try to do something for myself, like carrying a full laundry basket, he was right there to step in. Which was a great thing because I don't know if I could have taken the first step with that full laundry basket. Accept that you will get miserable at some point. Try not to take it out on others. Take naps, it's really okay. I would finish my work day, walk upstairs, lay on the bed to talk to my better half and within a 1/2 hour I was out like a light. Napped for an hour or two, got up and than I could finish the last few hours of the evening. Your body knows what it needs, listen to it. 

So all in all, April has not gotten off to a wonderful start. Grams went in the hospital, but she is home now and doing okay. I went into megace withdrawal and all it's wonderful symptoms. My boss (former co-worker/counterpart) went out at the same time as me for appendicitis. We joke that we've never made arrangements for both of us to go out at the same time. I didn't even realize it was my birthday month until my beautiful cousin sent me a note to remind me. Thankful for her as I have reflected on that statement several times over the last few days. I have to get better, it's my birthday month. I was born toward the end of the month so that I can CELEBRATE the whole month long! 

Something else I have decided during this megace withdrawal..I will be opting for the epidural if I end up getting pregnant. This was not fun at all. 

The End of Megace!

Yep, still haven't found that box of gauze & surgical tape. Tried using some regular surgical tape, but the same reaction occurred that I get when I use regular band aid's. Basically it rips my skin apart. So I made do with other means.

The megace has come to an end! Hallelujah; High Praise; Happy Dance

I truly did not think I was going to make it for the last 2 months. More than once I thought & vocalized my desire to just stop the treatment and deal with whatever came of it. I have a great support system that talked me thru it and kept me on track. Although I am sure it was just as hard for them to keep supporting me as it was for me to stay on it.

I was so desperate to get the megace out of my system that I looked up the 1/2 life of megace and flushed with plenty of fluids. In case you ever need to know, the 1/2 life of megace is 34 hours.
So as of today I am 4 full days off the junk.

4 days off...here's my report:
Attitude is still suffering some.
Body is still exhausted
Still fighting for breath and strength
Weight has kept climbing.
I don't feel the need to eat non stop


Spoke to the dr's office the other day & the report just gets better & better. I was of the understanding that once I came off, I would have a cycle and bleed for an undetermined amount of time. Come to find out, being off the megace is similar to being on...they don't know what's going to happen. You may bleed, you may not. It may be horrible, it may be nothing.  Uncomprehendable to me, but it's the only answer I get.  D&C will be sometime in May and hopefully from there we will have some more definitive answers. 8 months of hurry up & wait.

So while I am struggling and packing on the pounds my dear significant other continues to drop the weight. Clothes no longer fit him so we are having to go out and buy a new wardrobe. I hope that my weight comes off and that I have to buy a new wardrobe too. I've had to buy a new "FAT" wardrobe. It mainly consists of skirts and tank tops. Can't stand anything around my waist.

Spring will be here this weekend!
Easter next weekend!
Things are looking up. I have always loved the Spring season. A time of growth & rebirth. I am happy  to have had the megace end in time for SPRING!

xoxo

Almost There

1 week tomorrow...that's the goal date..the end of the megace.

March 14th I have you in my sights!

For the first time in the last six months, I finally felt cold the other day. Rather than ripping clothes off and walking around in a tank top in 6 degree weather. It was such a wonderful feeling. The bummer of it is, we are in March, everyone is gearing up for spring. Taking their coats off, changing to lighter clothing. Me, someone who was so hot thru the whole winter, feels like winter is just beginning.

Another complication of the megace has been a flare up of my hidranitis. My best guess is the fluctuation of hormones is what is causing the hidranitis to flare. I just want to scream, enough is enough!

Today, in a fit to try and organize things, I cleaned the bathroom closet and tried to organize things. Apparently I did a terrific job. I am now in need of some gauze & surgical tape. While I clearly remember putting the surgical tape in a box with the gauze, I can't seem to find that box. I found a whole other box of gauze, but there is no tape in there. :)

Keeping it Close

I've always been a solitary fighter. Holding things close to the chest and now allowing other people in to help fight the battle.
 Why? I am not really sure. Could be the result of being raised an only child, yes I have siblings but they were raised separately. Could be the result of tragedies in an early life that taught me there are not many you can trust. Could come from having an alcoholic parent & the let downs associated with that.
What does any of that matter? It doesn't matter what the reasons are, the end result is that I am who I am. I fight how I fight. I learned independence early on and I've clung to it.

Infertility is not really a solitary battle. It is a battle that the couple trying to conceive takes on. It is not an easy battle and yet it is one not openly or easily shared either. Even communication amongst the infertile couple can at times be challenging. Your fighting a battle that doesn't have a reason, a rhyme or an answer. More than 1/2 of infertile couples will hear the words uttered "Undetermined Infertility" and nothing more we can do for you.
Roughly 1/3 of couples will be told that they just need to relax. Let me tell you relaxing is so much easier to prescribe than to do.
Many other infertile couples will not share their journey with their closest loved ones because they feel in some way they are disappointing their loved ones.
It's a long, drawn out process to find answers. Sometimes testing takes months or longer. When someone knows you are dealing with infertility it tends to define you and that is all they can think to ask about. As the infertile couple, that can be frustrating having it constantly reminded to you that you are fighting a battle. But you have to take it with a grain of salt and know that their intentions come with goodness and concern.

What other battles do I try to fight solitary? My depression and my struggles with those who disappoint me. In the end, my fight is not solitary. I crack and give in to the help offered to me all along, but it's a battle.

What advice can I offer you? Be aware that help is there for you, that people are willing to support you. Acknowledge their love for you and your appreciation for them supporting you. If it gets to be too much, learn to speak up. You don't have to spill the beans and tell them all of your struggles but simply say,  "that's a tough subject  for me to discuss but I appreciate your concern."   If they love you & want to support you, they will understand and will continue to be your strength.

Here's something I read on BOOK OF FACES that I want to write up for the house.
If you FAIL, never give up because F-A-I-L means "First Attempt In Learning"

END is not the end. In fact E-N-D means "Effort Never Dies" 

If you get NO as answer, remember N-O means "Next Opportunity"

Be Positive in 2016! 

How Blessed!

How blessed am I to have such an amazing chosen family, friends and just wonderful people in my life. It is January 4, 2016. As I prepare to start my gratitude jar for 2016, I can't help but be overwhelmed by all of the goodness and blessings in my life. The latter half of 2015 was a struggle for me and I am sure will continue over into parts of 2016, but in this moment, I am floating on a cloud of love, gratitude, happiness and sheer joy. Such an amazing feeling to experience. Such an amazing thing to ponder and realize that this life, the one we are in right now, is one that we've chosen for ourselves. We've designed our chosen family and our friends. They will lift us up when we need it most and we will do the same for them. Filled with Thankfulness on this Monday. xoxoxo

My Megace Adventure

I'm going to take you on a little adventure. It's called the adventure of megace. Megace can be your lifesaver but at the same time it can be your worse enemy. Two simple little white pills. Pop 2 in the AM, pop 2 in the PM. That's it. That's all it takes to join this fun adventure. Megace is prescribed for many, many reasons. An appetite stimulant in those with challenges such as maintaining weight, no appetite, cancer, etc. It can be prescribed to combat endometrial dysplasia or cancers of the lady parts. I am sure it has many other uses as well. Here's where my adventure begins. Here are my side effects of megace and when all is said and done, why I will never take it again. I will consider a hysterectomy over megace. I am 3 months into my story on megace. Everyday is a struggle, a challenge. Remember I said, it's simply 2 little white pills in the AM and 2 in the PM..so that's not too much of a struggle. The struggle comes from the personality change, the horrible mood swings, the hot flashes, the night sweats, the anxiety, the constant need to have something food related in your mouth, not being able to get enough to drink, the weight gain, the having to get up in the middle of the night to pee and occasionally change your clothes because you are soaked. And those are just the big ticket items. The smaller items include breaking a crown from having to constantly be chewing on something, lack of sex drive-I mean zero, nada, nilch, the general overall feeling of demise, blah and ugh. Everyday when I swallow those simple 2 little white pills, I have to remind myself of the end goal, that I can get thru this. My health is at stake, my ability to have children is at stake. I have come too far on my infertility journey to stop now and just give up. 3 months ladies and gents. 1/2 way there yet still a long 3 months to go.

escape

On days when I can't seem to escape my own mind, It is on those days that I realize how much I need the noise, The noise to distract the thoughts that seek to invade me, Overrule me. We often fight for silence. We often fight for our space. What we don't realize is that sometimes this silence and this space is not what is best for us. Kind of like wallowing in your sorrows, it is only okay for so long. On the days when I need the noise, I turn to TED TALKS. Ted talks have become a lifesaver for me. Things I would never research on my own, but interesting none the less. Opening my challenged mind to new ideas, new thoughts, new growth. Here is a link if you are interested in perusing them. https://www.ted.com/talks

Intentions

So I honestly believed that something in the cosmos has shifted and life is once again, less of a struggle. Something different I have noticed this time around is INTENTIONS. I am notorious for putting intentions out into the universe. Along the lines of thinking, if it is meant to be, these things will come to pass. Like most people, I used to believe it was coincidence when they would happen. Not this time around. For about a solid 2 weeks now, I have been starting my day with Intentions and continuing them thru the day. Each & every day one or more of my intentions has found it's way back to me in the form of tangibleness. Just to give you an example, our Burning Man tickets have not yet arrived. This is later than we are used to and I am trying not to panic. Today I did a google search for "Burning Man where are my tickets" after singing a little diddy to the tune of Insurance Man find me money(I know you've all seen that commercial with the fishing pole & purse). My version was Burning Man find me tickets! Needless to say, I logged into my email and sure enough...our tickets have been shipped! That is just one example of the many blessings that have stepped forward in my life in the last two weeks. I truly feel so blessed by all the goodness I am surrounded by.

Reflections on Father's Day

So it wasn't until yesterday, that it occurred to me that it was Father's Day. We had spent the weekend at our first regional burning man event, Freeform. We had to return early so hubby could golf in a tournament with his dad. As we were making one of the final turns home, it hit me that it was Father's Day and I had not put a card in the mail for my stepfather. At first I was so upset with myself. How could I forget to put a card in the mail. Than I thought, well I'll send a text message to let him know I'm thinking about him and thanking him for being such an important person in my life. So I did just that. The day goes on, I'm unpacking stuff from our weekend, doing laundry to get it hung on the line and reflecting upon Father's Day and what Father's Day means to me. You see I have a father. He was active in my life until at one point he decided that I did not need to be a part of his life any longer. Every once in a while, I reach out. Sometimes I'll get a response back, other times I get nothing. My most recent contact was to send a copy of a drawing that his mother (my grandmother) had done at some point. I don't know if the drawing ever made it to him as he never sent a thank you or a hey it made it here. So as I reflected on Father's Day and read other's posts on facebook, I thought to myself, how can I turn a negative feeling into a positive one. I could have spent my time dwelling on the loss I feel at being cut out. As I am his only child & only daughter, one would think he would want to be a part of my life, even if only from a distance. Instead I chose to reflect upon the men in my life who have an impact on me. Who have touched my life in such positive ways. Who appreciate me and love me unconditionally and greet me with open arms every time I see them. Those thoughts brought such a happy smile to my face. I felt like the kisses from the sun were little blessings from these special men in my life. So I took a moment to sit down and send these special people in my life a simple text. Wishing them a happy father's day & thanking them for being such wonderful people & having such a special place in my life. I than reflected upon the wonderful man that chose me to be his wife. I thought about all the ways that he is special to me and our fur babies. I thought how I would love to write him out a father's day card and thank him but knew he would think that was corny. So instead I decided to surprise him with a dinner from the fur babies and I. Turns out the fur babies and I picked just the right thing. As he arrived home from a long day of golfing (I guess 5 hours is long in golf timing), we surprised him with his favorite wings & pizza for a special Father's day dinner. He still thought it was corny when I wished him a Happy Father's Day from the fur babies & I and wanted to know why I was being so mushy...but his face lit up when he heard how much we appreciate him. So to all the men out there who are father's by choice, I wish you a happy belated father's day. Wether you are a father to a fur baby, a human baby, a father to a child not yours, a father to a friend who needs a caring soul you are a blessed being. I wish you light & love. -Cheers-

Memories with Grandma

I love talking to my grandmother and visiting her memories. Today I had the pleasure of talking to her on the phone. I love our phone chats because she tells me things that she wouldn't tell me in person. Today she told me that 6/6/14 would have been her 72nd wedding anniversary. I remember as a child growing up, hearing stories that she met my grandfather & a week later they were married. My grandmother was 16 when they married and my grandfather was 40. Today I was asking about how fast of a courtship it was that they met and were married. She said that is not entirely true, that my grandfather was dating her friend Mildred. One day Mildred said to her, did he ask you to marry him? Grandma answered yes. Mildred responded, I'm going to go jump in the lake. Grandma's response was, well go right on ahead & jump in the lake. We laughed and laughed at that memory. I marvelled at what it would be like to be married for 72 years. I smiled at the memories I have of my grandfather. I listen with amazement when she tells me stories that I never heard as a kid. Stories about a newly married couple trying to make their first home. Stories of a young woman, bearing children, hobknobbing with the big names, losing a child (stillborn), raising 9 children. Being a woman who raised such an amazingly large family 9 children, (this next part is my best recollection) 42 grandchildren, 23 great grandchildren and I think she is up to 13 great great grandchildren.

Morning Thoughts

While my babies are all nestled in bed with their dad. I have the pleasure of some quiet time to myself for reading and observation. While my babies are tucked in snuggling, I have the please of watching the creatures outside play. From the pair of robins that fly to & fro, chasing one another from branch to porch & back. To the chipmunk, posing on the railroad tie and taking in the morning sun. Almost as if in Mountain Pose. Squirrels running back & forth on the pool fence, more playing than looking for goodies, I assume. To the momma bird, that has her nest just outside our door, coming to the side porch in search of things to feed her babies that just hatched two days ago. I wander over to my garden, freshly tilled and awaiting new plants. Stop to smell my herbs and marvel at how they flourish. I feel the sun kissing my face and shoulders. I say a silent thank you to all that is and all that I have become. I love this life that is mine. I love this home that we have made. I, just simply, LOVE!

Nature in our Piece of the Woods

Nature's animals are coming to our piece of the woods this year.

I've lived here for 15 years and look forward to certain things every year. Spring Peepers, signaling that winter is over. The bold redness of the male cardinal followed by the muted red of his mate. The hummingbirds making daily AM & PM visits to the feeder and buzzing me when I've taken too long filling the feeder or just buzzing me to say hello while I sit outside on the patio enjoying them. Finches in the finch house, easily viewed from the kitchen window. Deer bringing their doe to frollick. Squirrels running the pool fence in such a playful manner.

In 15 years I can tell you one thing I've never seen in our woods & that is turtles. This year our youngest pup found one & brought it home. We are still baffled where she found. But she did & she didn't hurt it. Here's some pictures. We were probably more excited at her find than her.

first turtle in 15 years 

pup and her new found treasure

In addition, while we usually have nests around the house, they are normally higher up. Around the rain gutter/chimney curve. But this year, the beautiful momma chose to honor us by setting up her nest in the plant we bought my mother in law for mother's day. I had seen momma bird hanging around near the hosta plant and thought it was odd because that was within the dogs reach. When I would sit outside & watch her, she would try to bring my attention away from the hosta. Tonight her timing wasn't so good & my mother in law caught her coming out of the non stop begonia that we bought her this year. I didn't want to disturb her nest so I only caught one picture.

This is the non stop begonia

The Babies still in their eggs.

Changing of the Guard

I can't go back to yesterday

Because I was a different person than. 

-Lewis Carroll-

Since we left our family in Texas in January, two of our dear loved ones have passed on.

My heart aches at their loss. At knowing I will never see their smile again. At realizing when we said good bye it was for the last time.

My heart smiles because I got to know them. Because I had the opportunity to love them. Because I am a better person because my life was touched by them. My heart smiles because both of them welcomed us with open arms into their lives and loved us with all their being.

I realize that time goes on, that things change and that new relationships will be formed. But my heart will never forget the touch these two people put on it.

I broke down in tears when I had to relay the news and as the person on the other end told me, you have to remember we are getting older and we've expanded our circle of family, we are going to be touched by more life and more death. In looking at it that way, I will take the pain and sorrow because I would never trade my expanded life.

I love you all.


a piece of home

Reversing Patterns

I was going to label this "change is hard" but most of us already know that. Change from hot weather to cold weather, change from youth to adulthood, change in jobs, etc, etc, etc.

Reversing Patterns...that is proving to be difficult.
Patterns, guidelines that you were given to live your life.
You know what I'm talking about, if you live a good life good things will come back to you. If you are a good person, people will be good to you. If you do everything that you are supposed, good rewards will be yours.

Just in case you still believe all of that above, it's not true!

Do you feel better knowing that you are a good person? Yes!
Do you feel better knowing that you did good deeds? Yes!

But that doesn't mean that life will be fair to you or other people will reply in kind.

Unfortunately for me, learning that life is not fair is proving a tough lesson. And it's not that life owes me anything, it doesn't. I just feel (believe) that because I put good out into the world, I should get good back.

None of us knows what plan in life we signed up for before we got here, but gosh (in a daydreaming kind of way) it would be great for people like me to be able to get a glimpse. To not have to feel such let down because you would know that your highest hopes and dreams either are to be or not.
But that is not a possibility and so I will have to reverse my patterns, learn a new way to live my life.

I will still do the things that make me a good person, I will still continue good deeds,  but I will have to learn a way to train my brain to stop expecting the good rewards from others.

Closing Doors

Close some doors,

not because of 

Pride, Incapacity, 

or Arrogance, but 

simply because

they no longer lead

somewhere. 

-Paulo Coelho-

Never have truer words been written. 

Never have truer words resonated within me. 

Sometimes you just need to be open to listening to the truer words. 

Paulo Coelho is an amazing author. Our local beer distributor turned me onto him a few years back. Who would have imagined you go in to buy beer and end up having great life conversations that lead you on new paths. 

I read the books with fervor, wanting to absorb all that I could.  Than a few more years go bye and at our first burning man, I meet a man who has taken the pilgrimage and followed in Paulo's steps. Life is funny and really does have a way of pushing you in the directions you need. 

I am starting the practice of closing some doors. I sometimes question my actions and wheter they are for the right reasons, but when you have determine that the door no longer leads somewhere it is time to close it. When the path behind the door is toxic, it is time to close it. 

Growth can only come from change and change comes from making space for the things that nourish you, the people that encourage you, and living the life that you know is right for you. 

-Cheers-

Changes, Empowerment, Growth, Rebuild

Something has shifted.
Something has changed.
Growth is afoot.
A new me is being reborn.

I feel like a dark veil has been lifted from over me.
For the last few years, I have felt depressed, held back, AFRAID.
Afraid to try new things, afraid to go places, afraid to let others see who I am.

Something has changed and a weight has been lifted.
Here in the dead of winter...
I am finding myself no longer hindering myself.
Going out and doing things that not too long ago would cripple me with fear.

Don't get me wrong. It was not an overnight transformation. I am still battling the demons that try to overcome me.

Today I struggled for a bit with my fear of driving in the snow. I knew I wanted to get out and get some stuff done, but was afraid of the snow. Rather than trying to fight it, belittle myself for being so ridiculous and than wallowing in darkness. I decided to acknowledge the fear, allow it some space and than moved on to a pampering ritual. With a few short hours, a calmness had returned and I decided to tackle my fear. I made it out, down the driveway, onto the road and to the places that I needed to go. I didn't wreck the car, didn't spin out, didn't slide into any parking spaces. Everything I had feared had not happened.

I am not sure what brought about this change, perhaps cleansing some unnecessary items and people from my life. I like it, I think I'll embrace it for a while.

Compassion

I am such a lucky gal to have married an amazing man.
A man with a heart of gold.
A man who would give you the shirt off his back.
A man who gives selflessly and asks for nothing in return.
My girls and I are so very lucky to have him in our lives.

My life is difficult at times as I am an empath and can deeply feel others emotions, pain & joy.
I am easily overwhelmed by others emotions and have trouble controlling it. Probably why I appear to cry so easily.

Today the compassion that you exhibited, overwhelmed me. I am thankful for your gesture, no matter how small it may have seemed to you. I know that the creature felt your compassion and is thanking you as well for your selfless act.

You are a gem. I love you!

Visitors From Another Realm

Early this morning our youngest pup was restless in her cage. This happens from time to time and usually if I lay still she will settle down and go back to sleep until it's time to get up. Today was different. She couldn't seem to get settled & seemed more restless than normal. She did finally settle down.

Shortly after she settled, I felt a head pushing on my foot at the bottom of the bed. Knowing that our older pup has free reign of the room, I looked up to see what she was doing. Much to my surprise, our older pup was sound asleep on the floor & nowhere near my bed.

As I am writing this for you, much later in the day, I can still remember the feeling that I felt as I was laying there in bed. I know that an animal was pushing it's head down on my foot at the base of my bed. Trying to get my attention. As it was not one of the living pups in the room, I can only surmise that it was one of our pups past coming to pay me a visit.

I am thankful for the spirit world and for the ability to cross between the two. I am thankful for the visitors who come to comfort me, bring me messages and inspire me. I have quite a few angels on the other side watching over me and I appreciate each of them.

Taking a Walk

I took off early from work last week and came home to walk in the woods with the girls.
Just thought we'd share some of our adventure with you.
-Cheers-