I was going to label this "change is hard" but most of us already know that. Change from hot weather to cold weather, change from youth to adulthood, change in jobs, etc, etc, etc.
Reversing Patterns...that is proving to be difficult.
Patterns, guidelines that you were given to live your life.
You know what I'm talking about, if you live a good life good things will come back to you. If you are a good person, people will be good to you. If you do everything that you are supposed, good rewards will be yours.
Just in case you still believe all of that above, it's not true!
Do you feel better knowing that you are a good person? Yes!
Do you feel better knowing that you did good deeds? Yes!
But that doesn't mean that life will be fair to you or other people will reply in kind.
Unfortunately for me, learning that life is not fair is proving a tough lesson. And it's not that life owes me anything, it doesn't. I just feel (believe) that because I put good out into the world, I should get good back.
None of us knows what plan in life we signed up for before we got here, but gosh (in a daydreaming kind of way) it would be great for people like me to be able to get a glimpse. To not have to feel such let down because you would know that your highest hopes and dreams either are to be or not.
But that is not a possibility and so I will have to reverse my patterns, learn a new way to live my life.
I will still do the things that make me a good person, I will still continue good deeds, but I will have to learn a way to train my brain to stop expecting the good rewards from others.