Keeping it Close

I've always been a solitary fighter. Holding things close to the chest and now allowing other people in to help fight the battle.
 Why? I am not really sure. Could be the result of being raised an only child, yes I have siblings but they were raised separately. Could be the result of tragedies in an early life that taught me there are not many you can trust. Could come from having an alcoholic parent & the let downs associated with that.
What does any of that matter? It doesn't matter what the reasons are, the end result is that I am who I am. I fight how I fight. I learned independence early on and I've clung to it.

Infertility is not really a solitary battle. It is a battle that the couple trying to conceive takes on. It is not an easy battle and yet it is one not openly or easily shared either. Even communication amongst the infertile couple can at times be challenging. Your fighting a battle that doesn't have a reason, a rhyme or an answer. More than 1/2 of infertile couples will hear the words uttered "Undetermined Infertility" and nothing more we can do for you.
Roughly 1/3 of couples will be told that they just need to relax. Let me tell you relaxing is so much easier to prescribe than to do.
Many other infertile couples will not share their journey with their closest loved ones because they feel in some way they are disappointing their loved ones.
It's a long, drawn out process to find answers. Sometimes testing takes months or longer. When someone knows you are dealing with infertility it tends to define you and that is all they can think to ask about. As the infertile couple, that can be frustrating having it constantly reminded to you that you are fighting a battle. But you have to take it with a grain of salt and know that their intentions come with goodness and concern.

What other battles do I try to fight solitary? My depression and my struggles with those who disappoint me. In the end, my fight is not solitary. I crack and give in to the help offered to me all along, but it's a battle.

What advice can I offer you? Be aware that help is there for you, that people are willing to support you. Acknowledge their love for you and your appreciation for them supporting you. If it gets to be too much, learn to speak up. You don't have to spill the beans and tell them all of your struggles but simply say,  "that's a tough subject  for me to discuss but I appreciate your concern."   If they love you & want to support you, they will understand and will continue to be your strength.

Here's something I read on BOOK OF FACES that I want to write up for the house.
If you FAIL, never give up because F-A-I-L means "First Attempt In Learning"

END is not the end. In fact E-N-D means "Effort Never Dies" 

If you get NO as answer, remember N-O means "Next Opportunity"

Be Positive in 2016! 

How Blessed!

How blessed am I to have such an amazing chosen family, friends and just wonderful people in my life. It is January 4, 2016. As I prepare to start my gratitude jar for 2016, I can't help but be overwhelmed by all of the goodness and blessings in my life. The latter half of 2015 was a struggle for me and I am sure will continue over into parts of 2016, but in this moment, I am floating on a cloud of love, gratitude, happiness and sheer joy. Such an amazing feeling to experience. Such an amazing thing to ponder and realize that this life, the one we are in right now, is one that we've chosen for ourselves. We've designed our chosen family and our friends. They will lift us up when we need it most and we will do the same for them. Filled with Thankfulness on this Monday. xoxoxo