Saturday, April 16, 2016

Megace..the saga continues......

Words of wisdom from my last post "accept that you will get miserable at some point. Try not to take it out on others."
I had an epic fail at those words of wisdom today. I took it out on my other half and I am still upset with myself about it. I was frustrated, aggravated and other feels that I don't have words for.

We've passed the 10 day mark for the megace withdrawal. The only thing that happened on day 10 was I realized I still needed the pain meds. Not until around day 12 was I able to start weaning myself to just an Aleve and Advil about every 6 hours. Trying to work my vitamins & other supplements back into rotation. I stopped them when I couldn't concentrate enough to get thru a day.

Happenings:

  • Birthday is a week away -- a fellow birthday mate suggested celebrating a 1/2 birthday in Oct. I like her idea. Having trouble getting into it. Scared at turning 44, scared at failing at dreams I've had all my life, scared at what the future holds. 
  • Consult for D&C is approximately 3 weeks away...Gosh that feels like such a long time away. That 3 weeks + however long til the D&C and than the results = how long this megace saga will continue. You see until I know that the precancerous cells are gone, I live in fear of this dreaded medicine and what more it means for me.
Thoughts: 
Reflecting on how much a hermit I have become and how many friends, who may count on me to send them cards, send them words of encouragement or just think of them are being let down if they are anticipating those things from me. Truthfully it is taking every fiber of my being to just get thru a day. The naps are still a daily thing. Jeans, I haven't seen a pair on me in months. 

Daily gratitude, daily frustration, daily blahs...they are all a part of the day. 



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