Visitors From Another Realm

Early this morning our youngest pup was restless in her cage. This happens from time to time and usually if I lay still she will settle down and go back to sleep until it's time to get up. Today was different. She couldn't seem to get settled & seemed more restless than normal. She did finally settle down.

Shortly after she settled, I felt a head pushing on my foot at the bottom of the bed. Knowing that our older pup has free reign of the room, I looked up to see what she was doing. Much to my surprise, our older pup was sound asleep on the floor & nowhere near my bed.

As I am writing this for you, much later in the day, I can still remember the feeling that I felt as I was laying there in bed. I know that an animal was pushing it's head down on my foot at the base of my bed. Trying to get my attention. As it was not one of the living pups in the room, I can only surmise that it was one of our pups past coming to pay me a visit.

I am thankful for the spirit world and for the ability to cross between the two. I am thankful for the visitors who come to comfort me, bring me messages and inspire me. I have quite a few angels on the other side watching over me and I appreciate each of them.

Taking a Walk

I took off early from work last week and came home to walk in the woods with the girls.
Just thought we'd share some of our adventure with you.
-Cheers-

Veterans Day--Thank you for your service

This is a two part post.
One to thank all of my family & friends who have served our country. Thank you for your service, thank you for your duty, thank you for our freedom. This goes to my brother, my stepfather, my nephew, my uncles, my cousins, my friends near & far.





I can remember being a small girl, getting ready for the parades. My grandmother always had a red poppy for me. Nowadays I can't seem to find them anywhere, but they hold a special memory for me.

The second part of my post is to remember my brother David Alan. I remember being a kid and looking up to him in many ways. He was a tall kid, a gentle soul and very kind hearted. He was often mistaken for a fighter because of his size. And I believe he was naive and often misguided by others. 

While I don't remember the day he told my mom he joined the Army, I do remember sending him off to boot camp and than his return home from boot camp. What a change had taken place. I remember being even more proud of my brother. And than watching him march in the Veteran's Day parade, the proud look on his face.  

1986 was a year for our family. Dave was in an accident that crushed his forearm. It required multiple surgeries, drains and alot of pain.  I started high school. My sister was married in September, Dave committed suicide in November and by December we had sold two houses, packed up our belongs and moved across the country from Pennsylvania to New Mexico.

My brother was 19 years old when he took his life. I guess he felt that he could not endure anymore pain in this life. For the short 14 years that I knew him, he left a lasting impression on me. We had to work harder than others at our relationship as we did not grow up in the same house.  Dave made sure I did not want for the typical brother/sister taunting & teasing, but  he also made sure I knew that I was loved and had a special place in his life.  

So while most remember the Veterans on Veterans Day, for me it is a double memory day. I think about the Veterans and thank them for the service but I also think about my brother and thank him for taking up a space in my life that I still hold close to my heart.  

Feeling Sorry for Myself!

Having one of those days where I just feel sorry and sad for myself.
I guess I should have known it was coming, I've been on a pretty good high for a couple of weeks now.
I guess if this stumble is only one day, I can deal, but I already suspect it's not.
Yesterday was a day of hatred, lashing out, withdrawing, wanting the world around me to disappear.
Today is a day of sadness, sorrow, feelings of loss, despair, pain, loneliness, fear, heartache, uncomfortableness.

Rain Rain Go Away,
Come Again Another Day

I want the rain on my mood, my heart and my head to go away & not come back another day.

My body hurts, my head hurts, my soul aches, my limbs, my joints, my eyes, my toes...they all have an unexplainable pain, a sorrow, a grudge, a harbored feeling of resentment.

so while the sun shines outside, the gloom cloud resides over me.

tomorrow is another day. I will make it thru this withdrawl day, crawl into bed tonight, hug my stuffed animals and hopefully slumber off to a land where the gloom cloud can stay and I can come out in a world filled with sunshine, rainbows, love & joy.

-Gloomy Cheers-

Father

Sending happy birthday wishes out to my father!

While we no longer speak, I believe by choice, but it's never been very clear to me, I still think of him often and send him thoughts of joy & peace on special days like today.

My father was a young father. I was born when he was 22 yrs old. And I was his only child. He married a woman who had 3 children from a previous marriage.

While my father has his faults, I have to believe that he tried to do the best he could with the situation he had gotten himself in. He stayed with my mother until I was raised and on my own.

I hope that his life now is happy and that he has found true joy.

Hawks

Yesterday was a week since our friend earned his angel wings. 

My day felt eerily similar to that day a week ago, I was in the same place, at the same time, that the phone call came in. I anticipated a bad phone call that thankfully never came. 

What did come has left me smiling and being thankful. On my ride home, I was trying to recollect how I got myself home a week ago. The tears were overwhelming, I had lifted my glasses for most of the drive. Surely an angel had to guide my car home that day. As I entered the Cross Valley, I saw a most beautiful sight. Gliding past me was the most beautiful, big wing span, hawk. I smiled with delight. I don't see hawks very often and when they do, I smile. I marveled at what an amazing site this hawk was gliding & floating near a major cross road. (Not that the hawk knew it was a major cross road, it's near the river.) 

Today I was coming up the driveway. I slowed on the hill for a chipmunk who seemed undecided on which way he/she would go. Than I took a moment to look to the side for the momma bear & 3 cubs that we had spotted on Friday evening. I did not see the momma & cubs so I started along again. Very shortly I was greeted by another most beautiful sight. A hawk, taking flight from the ground. The hawk did not seemed bothered by me and was not in a hurry to get away from me. In fact, the hawk flew to a tree and settled in to watch me. So I slowly backed the car up some and sat there in awe. I wondered if perhaps the hawk was looking for food or waiting for me to leave so it could go back to it's found treasure. The hawk never took it's eyes off me. 

We held a stare for a few moments, the hawk & I. I thanked the hawk for bringing me a message and told him/her that I appreciated it. Than I cried. I cried because I knew the hawk had been sent to me. I knew the hawk had a message. You see in my 14 years on the hill, I've never had the personal encounter of a hawk so close. Often I can watch them from thru the window on the side porch or gliding off in the field, but never up close and never have they just stopped to watch me. I did not wait for the hawk to take off, I slowly started rolling the car to my parking spot. I never looked back, didn't feel the need to. 

I have not found a true trust in my instincts & feelings, so when I got home I googled it. I knew that what I felt was right, but needed reassurance. I found it. The hawk is a messenger. 

That's all she wrote...

Goodbyes

Tomorrow we will say our final goodbyes to a very dear friend. A man who was a father, a businessman, a lover and a hard worker.

Daughter & Father

The tears no longer freely fall.  I think I exhausted them when I heard the news.

Today was the viewing for this awesome man. A 5 hour viewing and if I had to guess, I would say more than 1000 people passed thru that church. He touched the lives of many and that was displayed today. By the outpouring, by the love and by the fact that the majority of people coming to the viewing were jovial. You see my friend lived his life the way he wanted. In doing so, he not only made himself happy, but those around him happy as well. Many smiles were shared today.

I am truly honored to have been asked to photograph the viewing & funeral. It was something I felt a tug to do, but how do you approach someone to ask? Probably to the average person it sounds morbid. But to me it is an honor. It was also an honor to see a couple of my pictures among the many that they had put together for our dear friend.

Yes, I may walk around with a camera in my hand, I may catch you off guard or when you don't look your best. But guess what....photographs are memories and someday, your going to wish you had those memories, candid, loving, snarling memories.

Embrace your friends and tell them you care about them. Hold your family & pets a little tighter. Take time to stop & smell the roses. Life really is a present every day.

He died doing what he loved. This is an example of his passion for his work.

RIP my friend

On 9/9/13 the world lost an angel & we lost a beloved friend.
Thank you my friend for being you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. We will forever love you and know that you will forever be watching over us.

(((HUGS)))

John Brdaric, father, friend, businessman, angel
obituary from the Times Leader



may we all find peace in our sorrow.
Clouds by Zach Sombiech

)'( Burning Man Thoughts 2013 )'(

Burning Man for us starts with a pilgrimage. A drive of approximately 2200 miles from Pennsylvania to Nevada. During our pilgrimage this year we learned of a much anticipated birth. Hubby became an uncle for a 3rd time to another beautiful nephew.

I am famous for saying with every death comes a birth and this held true. Upon coming off of the playa I learned of an uncle's passing. While not unexpected, it was still a sad event and sad to realize that I would not be able to make the viewing to support my aunt.



Our camp has a pretty famous motivational person in it. John "Halcyon" Styn. If you are not familiar with him doing a quick google search. "Halcyon" started Pink Heart Camp, which is where we camp at burning man. "Halcyon" has a saying...Crap or Cone (he did a Tedx talk on it that you may find on the google search). Basically you can look at any situation and determine if you want to focus on the crap or on the cone. Say your friendship with a person falls apart. You can focus on the crap: your friendship fell apart, your feelings are hurt, you are sad. Or you can focus on the cone: the friendship falling apart opened you to new experiences, to meeting new people, to new adventures and journeys.

Something that happened to us this year at BM was someone decided to use our truck tire to take a literal crap in our camp. Thankfully we discovered it & realized what it was. After I dealt with the disposal of said crap, I kept struggling trying to discover the cone side of the situation. I approached Halcyon to ask his advice. It took a bit, but he returned to tell me that the cone would be that by allowing that space for the incident to happen, we saved someone from dying of internal distress. (True story!)

Another crap or cone happened to our friend Sexy Situation. SS builds a beautiful art swing to provide a resting spot for thousands of people that pass by. You may recall I posted earlier this year about his fundraiser.  The swing was a bright spot all week for thousands of people. A beacon of pink heart light that helped them find their way home. Sunday while breaking down, someone decided they needed the integral part of the swing more than SS. The box that holds the working parts & hook for the swing has disappeared. That is crap! The cone being that Sexy Situation will come back from this with a better working piece and many people will chip in to help him. Plus all the awesome stories people are sharing about the swing. And the couple that he got to meet who met and fell in love on his swing last year.

Many beautiful memories were created and shared this year. One of them being breakfast on the playa. My body cannot stop being a morning person so every morning I would assemble my breakfast and stumble out to the Esplanade couches & settle in for some nourishment & people watching. Occasionally hopping up to provide a tired, weary traveller with some Iced Cucumber Water. I was joined by so many lovely people during my morning breakfasts. Many amazing conversations were had and new things discovered. I even had the pleasure of a foot massage & pedicure by a lovely soul who stopped into our camp. Some mornings would turn into early afternoon events and thoroughly enjoyed. I felt like I was basking in a beautiful light.

For those who encountered me on playa in the evening & heard a good morning uttered from my lips. Rest assured..this has carried to the default world. I can't seem to figure out what day it is, let alone what time of the day. So why not say "Good Morning". Good Morning makes it feel like you have the whole day ahead of you and new adventures await you. :)




Monday 9.9.13
Wow! to think that I wrote all of the above on Saturday & Sunday & decided to wait a day to post. And today, Monday 9.9.13 awaited me with such trauma and tragedy. I left a dr's appt with not the most hopeful news. Left with feelings of frustration, aggravation, defeat, loss and yet a small glimmer of hope. Maybe answers will lead to new paths. Upon leaving I saw I missed a call from hubby. Thought maybe he was calling to see how things were going. I was wrong...I never even uttered my news because he had news for me. A very near & dear friend, one I love as much as my burner family, had passed away in a tragic workplace accident. I have no idea how I kept my composure until the valet got my car, but I did. Than I bawled the entire ride home. I don't even know how I made it home. I am still in shock & still crying my heart out over this man that I loved dearly. Life just does not seem fair. I do not believe in prayer but am sending up thoughts of hope and positiveness that he passed without pain, without knowing what was happening to him. That his children will be able to cope with their pain, loss, tragedy & grief. I will hug them as closely & as deeply as I hug my burner family and I will tell everyone I know how much  I love them & appreciate them.

How ironic that the temple this year did not bring as much sorrow to me as last years temple did. The only words I was moved to write this year was "tell those you love how important they are to you. you never know when it will be the last time".

I will truly miss my friend and the enthusiasm that he would greet me with when we would see each other. I am glad that I had an opportunity to photograph him doing the work that he loved so dearly. To honor him please check out my flickr set at Hotel Sterling Flickr Set

May you forever find peace John. You were loved & will continue to be loved by many.

Returning home from Home

Another successful Burning Man is behind us. We are already prepping for next years return Home!

Pictures will follow later.

Home is a special place to be. I have often heard it said, Burning Man provides you what you need and takes away what you don't. I truly believe those words. 2013 was a year of personal growth, relationship growth, friendships tattered and friendships forged, bonded & strengthened.

I am thankful to all that participated in Burning Man 2013 with me and look forward to sharing with you in 2014.

There are plenty of pictures appearing on the internet-just google search "Burning Man 2013". A few of my favorites were: Truth is Beauty; Skate Camp; Red Lightning; the Man; Hug Deli; Cat Cargo Cult.

Want to know more about burning man? just ask me. I love to talk about it. I hope that everyone who would ever want to experience it will get the chance to do so. It is truly an adventure.

One side note: I loved being able to take a shower every day this year. As a result, my hair was down more often & now is a lovely, naturally, lightened blonde.  And hubby totally rocked his tutu! That make become our christmas card pic!

Cheers!

Life keeps on moving...even when you wish it would slow down

Often times I sit here and think to myself..why haven't I logged in & written in a while, why do I feel lacking of anything to write. Than I chastise myself for wanting to write the same thing over and over, which is, I'm busy, life got in the way. I could go back to making it a discipline and writing for 30 days straight but than I feel you don't get the spontaneous me.

Things I like about myself:
My laugh
My smile
My heart
My compassion
My joy - when I allow myself to truly accept it
My true nature
My sense of adventure when I don't allow limitations to slow me down.


Things I don't like about myself:
Harsh criticism of myself via internal voices, words & thoughts
My physical limitations
That mean streak that can come out
That I bottle things up & than explode
That I explode at people that aren't deserving of it
My need to overachieve
That I often say "I didn't sign up for this". I need to change that phrase. I need a more positive mantra. I want to participate, believe in and accept things that are true to my core.

My thoughts are scattered lately and I fully accept that. I truly do have alot going on in my mind. My mind runs marathons while my body prefers the slower pace.

I came in today & said to hubby...want to come out w/ me to see the 2nd most beautiful thing in the garden. I had to explain that I think tomato's are the 1st most beautiful thing because they are the first to produce, they have a beautiful color & they just smell so wonderful. So he indulged me and came out to see my new found passion. What was it....a purple bell pepper. Most beautiful thing! I was so excited when I found it that I wanted to pluck it, but it is still on the small size. I'll have to grab a picture of it in all it's glory. Him sharing in my joy was such a wonderful thing for me because I know of his great dislike of bell peppers. Not in food, not in sauce, not in the vegetable drawer and yet here was his wife asking him to understand the beauty of a thing he detests. He did a great job sharing in my joy!

Puppy has now hit the 6 month mark. She is almost taller than her sister and starting to take on a more adventurous attitude. She has discovered birds, rabbits, deer and chipmunks. She still has that wonder of innocence about her & it is a pleasure to watch.

)'( Dream Swing 2013 )'(

)'( My friends....today I want to share a project with you that is near and dear to my heart. )'(

the dream swing 2013

Joe Beal from Bend, OR is an awesome friend of ours that we met during our journey to Burning Man in 2012. Not only was it our virgin journey to the Playa but it was Joe's as well. For a virgin going to Burning Man, he made quite an impression. You see, Joe built a 20 foot tall pink swing for people to play on on the playa. It had lights, it had a heart, it was PINK, it had a swing for you to play on. It became a beacon for travellers as they could view it from across the playa and know that if they followed the swing they would be close to 9:30 & Esplanade; close to PINK HEART camp and close to their destinations.

So I hope that you will check out Joe's Indiegogo fundraiser and video (link above) and consider helping Joe bring the PINK DREAM SWING to Burning Man 2013 in it's new & improved form. Taller, More Seating, More Lighting, More places to stop along the intergalatic journey of life. 

)'(      Many, Many Cheers & Much Love to you ALL! )'(

Mother's Day 2013

Today I am sharing a blog post from another writer.
A writer I follow and admire.
I don't feel that I could write the feelings of Mother's day as eloquently as she has. She touches on everything that is oh so important.

Cupcakes & Caulderons blog for Mother's Day

Cheers! 

Motorcycles and Yoga

I have always been a fan of Pigeon Pose in yoga. When a teacher would ask if anyone had any suggestions for poses, I would be the first to offer up Pigeon Pose. Pigeon Pose is a hip opening pose that often provides an emotional release.

photo courtesy of Yogi Jen @ wordpress.com


I have also always been a fan of motorcycles. The release that you get from riding is like none other. When you are a passenger, it is a great chance to just relax and unwind. An emotional calm comes over you.

photo courtesy of motorcycle-usa.com


So yesterday while observing a couple out for a sunny Sunday ride, I pondered the thought that somehow the two things could be related. How could I be getting the same satisfaction and release from yoga's Pigeon pose that I used to get when  I rode motorcycles. Than it hit me. the release is in the HIPS!



It is said that most women store their emotions, stress, burdens, etc in their hips. So it would only make sense that any activity that (knowingly or not) allows you to stretch and open your hips would provide you an emotional release.

RIP Miss Lucy

Yet another one of our critters has crossed the rainbow bridge.

Miss Lucy has been my friend since we brought her here in 1999. She was a shy, timid cat who took to me and I felt very honored.

Today, Miss Lucy honored me once again by allowing me to be with her while she journeyed across the rainbow bridge.

She was just some of these things:
 -my storm buddy
 -my morning shower buddy
 -my climber
 -my mouse catcher
 -my sit on the scale until you check my weight.

She taught my husband to give her wanted she wanted. Be it treats, food, water or turning on the sink faucet for a drink. She taught him well.

Thank you for all you have given me. The light in me honors the light in you.

Spring Laden

Definition of Laden: Weighed down with a load; heavy:

Most people associate Spring with thoughts of rebirth, growth, nourishment, beauty.

This morning as I looked around at all the trees, took in the morning air, contemplated my current situation in life, I determined Spring is a laden season.  



The trees are laden with the buds waiting to burst open. 
The flowers are laden with petals awaiting something to come relieve them of their pollen. 
The grass is laden with the morning dew. 
The air is laden with the scents of pollen, from multiple sources. 
The birds are laden with the morning sunshine hitting their wings, waking them up, causing them to sing. 
I, myself, am laden with the knowledge that yet another pet is getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge. My heart is heavy, my soul is worn, my mind is tired. 

Early Mornings! 

Since we've gotten a new pup (Shiner Bock)I have had the pleasure of several early mornings. Since she was a winter pup we had quite a few early, snowy mornings. But this morning was a true spring morning. Nothing like it. Beautiful sunrise, while the moon is going down. No movement from birds, squirrels or other critters as they are still nestled in their beds. 

The anxious energy of an early rising pup. Realizing that it's the weekend and you have time to soak the morning up, enjoy the time you are given, make a cup of coffee to enjoy on the back porch, update the blog. (LOL)

Early mornings are truly a blessing. A time for reflection, appreciation, meditation, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, training, teaching, relaxation. Who would have ever thought you could cram so much into a tiny little moment. Early mornings. 

Cancer Sucks!

Said it for the last two days & going to keep on saying it...CANCER SUCKS!

A dear friend ended her earthly journey on Friday due to Cancer. She bumped her head on a bus trip in June 2012, went to the dr's, found out she had cancer, started treatment, passed on 1/4/2013.

Rosey was a bright spot in my day. I could always count on her smile to be waiting for me each morning at work and always a friendly hello or it's not too late to turn around. After she went out on leave, I missed her but wanted to stay in touch. I sent her weekly cards that were timed to arrive on her days of chemo treatment. Sometimes they were get well cards, other times cards of encouragement and yet other times cards talking about what was going on in daily life. Rosey sent us a card after her treatment started & she wrote a now famous line of hers in it. "When life hands you lemons, add Vodka".  Often I would send her a note to say I was adding the Vodka.

My last card to Rosey was sent from Houston, Tx on New Years Eve. I'm sure she did not receive it before she passed but I hope it brings a smile to her family's face to know she was still that bright spot in my day.

An angel has gained her wings and I truly believe she will be an Angel watching over me. Thanks to cancer, suicide and age I have quite a few angels to watch over me. But it still never seems fair.

RIP my friend. Your memory will not be forgotten.